Read The House Is Not On The House
Me: "It looks like these were refunded on [date]."
Lady: "Yes, I had them refunded."
Me: "Sooo… when you get a monetary refund, it invalidates the tickets, because you got your money back. These aren’t able to be used."
Lady: "No, they are still good."
A diner waves me over. She’s got a plate in front of her with a thoroughly half-eaten tiramisu.
Customer: "Um… are there nuts in this?"
I look down at the mangled dessert. Blink. Smile.
Read Has A Phone To Pick With You
Coworker: "Oh look, another person with a new iPhone. I don't know how this company makes money!"
Me: "Uh, what? They probably have some sort of deal."
Coworker: "Waste of money! And completely unfair, everyone should get one."
Me: "[Coworker], if you need a phone, request one."
Read Barking When Parking Is Gonna Cost You
Without even thinking, I roll down the window, shove a crumpled bill at her, and bark:
Me: "Here! I’m late! This is the right amount!"
She looks stunned and tries to say something:
Woman: "Wait, I don’t—"
Me: "—I don’t have time!"
Coworker: "Someone had a light lunch."
Me: "Oh, my card got declined. Stupid bank error."
Coworker: "Oh, you should have said something. I would have lent you some money!"
Me: "Really? Oh, thank you, that's nice of you to say."
Customer: "I need to return this. It doesn’t make waffles."
Me: "It’s... a toaster."
Customer: "Exactly! I put a waffle in, nothing happened!"
Me: "Was it a frozen waffle?"
Customer: "No, it was batter."
Read The Terrible Twos, But It’s Not From The Child
Me: "He's not old enough to walk, he's only eight months old, he's just a bigger boy."
Employee: "…ma'am, there is no need to lie."
Me: "Why would I even lie about that?"
Employee: "Ma'am, your son having a disability is no reason to be ashamed."
Read Ugh… Another Open World Sandbox
Manager: "[Floor Worker #1] needs me to come deal with a customer complaining that all the cucumbers aren't the same length. [Floor Worker #2] has a customer asking for me to "make the store smaller" so his feet won't hurt by the time he finds the milk. Who gets me first?"
Some long time ago, I was upset with someone and blocked them on my Discord. We are in a server associated with my favorite fighting game. Both of us have been here for years. During a discussion, I see a message that suggests he was talking about me blocking him. Against my better judgment, I […]
Read Why All Retail Workers Are Good Actors
Manager: "I’m just not seeing much work history here…"
Me: "I’ve got five years of experience. It’s just all in entertainment; live shows, dancing, acting."
He raises an eyebrow.
Manager: "Right, but how does acting help this store?"
Read When The Parking Lot Is A Lot
Customer: "You guys need to sort out your parking lot. I had to walk all the way from the other side of the lot. That's ridiculous."
Me: "Sorry about the crowd, sir. It’s our busiest time of day."
Customer: "Well, I should get a discount. I basically hiked here!"
Read Choosing To Be Cheesed Off
I'm working in a newly opened high-end grocery store. A lot of our customers are curious and exploring the new place. Many are saying how happy they are to finally have a chain like ours in their area, and so forth. One guy, however, keeps coming in for the sole purpose of hating on every single thing we sell.
Read A Hug(e) Mistake
He was told to figure it out and he came up with "Hug an introvert day" announcing that he didn't understand introverts and thought they just needed to be hugged and dragged to more social events.
Now, you would hope that our employees would be smart enough not to just take the excuse to jump random people in the office and hug them, right?
Read A Hug(e) Mistake
Read And We Thought The Brown Cow Chocolate Milk Correlation Was Bad
Customer: "What’s this made of?"
Me: "That one’s patent leather, it’s real leather, but it’s treated to give it that smooth, glossy finish."
She nods slowly, then squints at me like she’s just cracked a conspiracy.
Customer: "Oh, so it’s a GMO."
Read And We Thought The Brown Cow Chocolate Milk Correlation Was Bad
Read Invest In Some Time Away From Annoying In-Laws
My wife let it slip that we’ve had some luck with our investments maturing well. It’s not going to make us rich, but it’ll put a dent in the mortgage and make our monthly spend a little easier.
Her brother-in-law chose not to hear any of that and has been acting like we’ve got a huge amount just sitting in the bank waiting to be spent.
Read The Shopping Dead
Woman: "I just wanted to say, you look EXACTLY like my dead husband!"
Read The Shopping Dead
Customer: "Fill this up with the chicken noodle, will you?"
Me: "How many ounces is that?"
Customer: "Why does that matter?"
Me: "So I know how much to charge you."
Customer: "Why would you charge me? I'm giving you my cup, so it should be on the house!"
This happened back in the late 80’s. At the time, my father and I were avid fisherman and though we tried our hand at many bodies of water throughout the area, there was one stream in the middle of town that we were frequently at because there was a HUGE smallmouth bass that lived there […]
Due to my husband’s work in I T both of our families call frequently for him to fix problems with their computers. It can be annoying because he is often expected to drop everything to rush off, often for hours on weekends. My sister is one of the worst perpetrators for asking his time, even […]
Read Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 24
A few years ago, I had a gallstone pass, which was the start of a very wild weekend in a hospital. Scans confirmed that I had multiple gallstones, and I was slated to get my entire gallbladder removed as soon as possible.
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